Whenever girls go through a rough break-up, girls always contemplate revenge. Usually, it is just a gossip session with our girlfriends laughing about how he may be secretly gay or how his penis isn't the "right size" (whatever that is?) We sip too many martinis and joke about how we will ruin his life. This is later followed by a lot of ugly, drunk crying in the bathroom. Between crying fits the girl comes to a gin induced conclusion that the break occurred because she is too fat, too stupid or too clingy. If girls haven't done this personally, they have a friend who has, and it's miserable. What if women were able to have these cry sessions and actually get a type of revenge that would satisfy them? Well ladies, it's possible, and I've done it. Let me take you back to my senior year of college...
Senior year, I was single and ready to party my way right to graduation. I mean what senior college student isn't? Somehow in my 21 year old mind, I thought it would be a great idea to have a boyfriend. Sure, boyfriends are great, but senior year of college? I still to this day do not know what I was thinking. We dated for a year and then the break-up occured. And trust me it was BAD. So bad, that months later, driving on the PA turnpike in butt fuck nowhere I ran into him at the Bedford Sheetz (anyone who is a frequent of western PA knows why I stopped there and just what I am talking about). I got back to my car and cried like a baby. I am pretty sure my sister even had to take over the driving at this point. Anyway, I hated him and hated the fact that he was happy and doing well after how he treated me when we broke up - which I can sum up in one sentence - he threw a blackberry (phone not fruit) at my head.
If there was anyone I wanted to get revenge on, the ex was it. He deserved it, but I couldn't seem to find the right opportunity. Ironically, after moving to New York, I ran into my ex's best friend while I was home visiting my family. Now, my ex's bestie and I always had that awkward chemistry you have with someone you aren't supposed to have chemistry with and my ex knew it and it caused some pretty awful fights. Of course we see each other at one of the lovely (icky) bar establishments of western PA and he starts chatting me up. Some shots and a pitcher of the famous "blue balls" (a giant pitcher of liquor for $8.00 - God bless) later, we were sloppily making out and headed to his place. I think we all know what happens next.
I woke up, head pounding and forget where I was for a few seconds. Then it all came back to me - I had just hooked up with my ex's best friend. We had that awkward post-sex morning chit chat, realize we are still naked and start going at it. The whole time all I could do was laugh to myself about how awkward this would be between the ex and the best friend. Sure men have different mentality on these kinds of things, but knowing them and the relationship they had with each other, this was some good revenge. Mid-sex I started to feel the hangover. It starts to overwhelm me and I excuse myself to the bathroom. Vomit went everywhere. I don't know what happened, but I cleaned it up the best I could with his towel and bath mat - I had very little to work with here and to be honest I could have cared less. I brushed my teeth with some toothpaste on my finger and returned to bed and picked up right where him and I had left off.
When I went to leave, I realized I had somehow lost one of my pumps. That has NEVER happened to me and I have never been "that girl." I drove home with one pump on and one pump off while throwing up in an old McDonald's bag that had been in my car prior to the NYC move. However, I didn't care because as cliche as it is - the revenge was so sweet.
Some of you may be thinking, wait you got drunk and had sex with your ex's friend? Cool story, slut. And I hear you there. This is certainly not one of my classiest moments. But, how many times have guys done this to their ex's? A whole hell of a lot. Rarely, are women able to get revenge on an ex and feel liberated by it. And you know what, I did feel liberated and it felt fucking fantastic - so sue me.
No comments:
Post a Comment